“A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.” Napolean Bonaparte–one of his many famous quotes. Ego is NOT confidence. Ego is insecurity masked by some sort of worldly hierarchy that’s been created by a delusional mind.

I have also learned that where people get their false sense of self- esteem (AKA ego) is in direct proportion to their IQ.  My ex (thank God) mother-in-law bragged one day about how stupid other people were for not using the child buckle on the grocery cart as a security measure for their purse while shopping at Walmart. You would have thought she created a supernatural firewall that would stop all computer hackers and viruses forever.  Another time she bloated with pride about pushing “33” instead of “30” seconds on the microwave.  Oh, the time she saved from not having to move her finger to push that zero.  I pointed out the 30-second button and everything pretty much went south from there…oh yeah.  LOL.

So…I started watching people in a different way.  This small, insecure and unbelievably arrogant guy at a place I used to work gloated with pride because he was chosen as a trainer.  The fact that he didn’t know anything therefore wouldn’t be able to train anyone was irrelevant.  He strut his 5’5″ stature around our office like he was The Man (whoever that is).  It was a laugh-out-loud joke.  His family had lived in our dead-end county forever and his father was a manager for another department for the county.   Unfortunately, we worked for the county too so the situation was not going to get any better.  Little man could not get that he was a trainer because of his bloodline…his family stick…I mean tree.  Hello.  The small fish, big pond/cesspool syndrome was an epidemic.  Pitiful.

Titles are something too and people will accept promotions for the title even though they have no idea how to do the job.  People like the “underlings” to kiss their asses because of their titles.  It makes them feel important because it fluffs their egos.  What they should be thinking is what these “underlings” would say to them if they wouldn’t lose their jobs for doing it.  If they did that, they just might get somewhere (or at least get started) as far as personal growth. The “I’m so great because I’m a _____” complex is everywhere and if it’s bothering you at your work, I suggest you laugh and get over it because you will NEVER escape it.  It is in almost every job.  Some jobs, like airline pilots, are exempt because everything is done on seniority.  Lucky for them, but many egos there still find ways to put each other down and prove that they’re “better than”.  That’s how it works with egos, a person with such insecurities has to put others down so he/she is okay.  They can’t just be another bozo on the bus. Sick.

In 2008, when the economy crashed, I was entertained watching all of these “rich” people lose their stuff.  Homes were repossessed, bills weren’t paid, businesses collapsed, etc.  A local restaurant/bar ran tabs on these elitist and a friend of mine who worked there told me some of them had $50,000 bills they couldn’t pay.  Crazy.  And a lot of these people fell apart.  Suicide, alcoholism, and drug addiction were common.  Very few got that “someone” was trying to get their attention.  Hello.  It is estimated that 110 billion people have died and currently there are 7.12 billion people living here on earth.  Yes, we are each a grain of sand on a beach.  Time here is is so short it cannot even be measured in accordance with the afterlife.  My assumption is eternity is beyond time and space.  People think so small.  It scares me.  We’re here to help each other, not accumulate a bunch of stuff that we can’t even take with us.  It’s what we can take that matters…and that would be character.

Character is real self-esteem.  In my opinion, honesty is first.  Not just cash register honesty, but deep, self honesty.  What really is my motivation here type honesty.  I feel _____ because I want_____.  He/she does NOT want a relationship with me and never will, hello…honesty.  When I got rigorously and at times brutally honest was when things really changed in my life.  And by things, I don’t mean stuff.  I mean attitude, happiness, peace, etc.  When I realized EVERYTHING was an inside job and ran with it, my life became amazing.  What happened is that outer conditions stopped ruling me like they used to, or pretty much always had.  Time is precious and I didn’t want to waste anymore of it,  so I started a “Know Thyself” mission.  Humility is key here.  Now I know almost exactly what I want and am traveling down that road.  I definitely know what I don’t want too–“colored ribbons” on my uniform, a new shiny car with a fat car payment, fake friends, etc.  I want peace of mind and my cat.  LOL.

To start my mission, I learned to pay attention to what I was thinking about.  I also tried to figure out what other people were thinking about.  Sad, but I determined most people spent their precious time thinking about what other people were thinking about them…and no one was thinking about them.  They may enjoy them as a piece of gossip (pure ego), but that was about it.   Through self-love, I have found real self-esteem that can’t be torn apart by naysayers and critics.  I spend my time thinking about my writing, my family, my true friends, the amazing universe, etc.  I read about geniuses, history, my family tree (thankfully it’s not a stick), etc.  I had to make room in my mind to do these things.  I want to help people and be a caring, giving person.  One time I noticed this snooty woman with a small mind flaunting her money around.   She had a big mouth too and I was underwhelmed by it.  She had been torturing the young man who worked in the produce department about the fruit not being fresh enough.  Like he had anything to do with that.  And guess what?  These types of people don’t have any real money.  Often, you won’t be able to tell the people who are actually filthy rich.  They don’t have anything to prove.  History enlightened me on this topic.  I laugh realizing that not too many years ago some uppity lady in an ugly dress and lame hat was bragging about the new wagon her husband bought by selling some livestock.  Really?  People need to wake the _____up!