Deep rooted pain is the main ingredient of addictions, mental illness, personality disorders, emotional disorders, learning disorders, anger management, lack of self-control, hate, drama, excuses, being a victim, etc. etc.–all of which have become pandemic.  All of these are tightly woven in the same web, often making it difficult to figure out what’s what.  So many of these issues have the same symptoms which makes the “diagnosing” of such issues a challenge to mental health “professionals”.  And, unfortunately, the result is usually just another example of our society treating the symptom instead of the problem.  The person “diagnosed” and treated for whatever labeled ailment(s) usually just exchanges one distress (pain) for another.  Example: they might quit drinking alcohol and take up ice cream.  It’s the ultimate example of the hamster running on the wheel with the unfortunate ending of it running itself to death–spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically.  Or worse, being on a merry-go-round and not being able to get off.  And not even realizing it’s an option to get off.  Sad, but completely predictable.  Ego-filled “professionals” study the brain and human behavior and enjoy long conversations with their colleagues where they fluff their egos by spewing their “knowledge” by way of a large vocabulary while they wear their fancy degrees like crowns. They love to think how smart they are.  It’s laughable. It’s also an invisible tragedy destroying our society by leaving our people in a state of constant turmoil with a quest for the holy grail of mental wholeness. And remember, we’re talking about spirits and souls here–never minimize the word people.

This is not to say the study of the brain and human behavior is in vain. It’s not. Brain chemistry and genetics are a fascinating and necessary study and they do “load the gun.”  Load the gun.  It’s the environment that “pulls the trigger”. There are issues like schizophrenia that don’t fall into this category. There are a lot of good medications to help people with trying (and usually brilliant) brain chemistry. But, the medication shouldn’t be a band-aid. It should be used in conjunction with the shovel. You have to dig deep and get to the pain. The enlightenment, the analyzing, the testing, the diagnosing, etc. is just a bunch of blah, blah, blah and useless if someone doesn’t have a shovel. A shovel is a lot cheaper too. Mental health professionals are getting rich off of people’s problems. I think it has become like the diet industry. None of the products work, yet they make billions of dollars every year. Billions. People will do anything to lose weight except quit eating.  If they ever do find a real solution for weight loss, they wouldn’t even market it.  Oh the love of money–nasty, greedy, pathetic, evil…

Underneath all of the disorders, the “labels” of addiction, anger, etc. are the reasons. That deep-seated pain that’s planted in rock-hard soil sits patiently in total blackness while polluting everything about that person by constantly seeping its fear into their being. Like rats in the dark, shine a light on them and they scream and scatter. This pain is protected by shame. The sufferer doesn’t want to talk about it so this empowers it and keeps the person sick. Secrets are deadly.  Finding that trusted  soul and sharing those nasty secrets feels like losing 100 pounds in just a few minutes. If you are in such pain (and most people are–some just hide it better), and can’t fathom talking about it. I have a suggestion that has worked for me.  Writing. Lesson–Everyone (and I mean everyone) is somewhat emotional sick.

You can start by purchasing a paper shredder. Then write your deepest, darkest secrets over and over. It’s  very important to write those small, scary details–the ones you can barely tell yourself. The ones you can’t even whisper while looking at yourself in the mirror, into your own eyes. Plan on destroying your document when you’re done. This will allow you to really get it out. If you know it’s not  going to be around as “evidence”, you can really go there and be honest. I think burning it is best.  Fire is the ultimate destroyer and the symbolism of it is awesome. If you don’t have a fireplace or wood stove, the shredder will be happy to eat it.

While many mental health professionals mean well and can be helpful during your adventure with your shovel, most just don’t get to the root of the problem. The answer is digging deep and locating the pain (the rats), shining that bright light of truth on it thus taking away its power.  Writing about it can give you the courage to talk about it.  Whatever you don’t want to talk about is exactly what you need to talk about.  But, start with baby steps so you don’t get too scared and stop. You, fire, and/or the shredder are the only ones who will know.

And what’s the alternative?  Keep it inside and continue in self-destruction? Take more medication?  Spend more money on therapy? More alcohol? More dope? More ice cream? Medication doesn’t just come from the pharmacy and band-aid medication will never love you back. You will only hurt yourself and cheat yourself out of the journey of self-discovery which is the best trip you’ll ever take. When you’re done, you will feel a strong vibration of peace, you will be able to sit still, and you will feel lighter. Perhaps you’ll feel a twinkling of self-love. If you’re an addict, you will want to succeed and your ability to do so will increase. Food addicts will have a reprieve, cigarette smokers will smoke less (or quit), people who boast (usually with lies due to low self-esteem) will take a step back and look at it. People who talk all the time and never say anything will talk less and listen more. Angry people will cry. You will be able to have some true self-honesty and own your motives and ego issues. You will be able to be alone and enjoy your own company.  You will have the ability to become your own best friend. This is magic.

YOU WILL NOT HAVE ANY LONG TERM SUCCESS OR PEACE OF MIND IF YOU DON’T GET TO THE ROOT OF YOUR PAIN. Period.  Zero. Nil.  Don’t even waste your time trying. Forget it. This is a fact.  And, remember, whatever you do in life, never, ever, no matter what, lie to yourself. Even if you are living a lie and can’t get out of it (just yet), own it and destroy any denial about it. This is your life we’re talking about. This is your life.

Another important thing–if you are ever asked to be that trusted soul with someone’s painful secrets, take it to the grave with you.  No matter what. Even if that person turns on you one day and hurts you by doing the unthinkable. Your honor is more important. By breaking it you will only hurt yourself. Take it to the grave. We should take any gift of chance to get out of the cesspool of worldliness. This world is sick. Never let it compromise your honor.  You can always find someone to tell you what you want to hear. But, you’ll have to keep searching for that person because it won’t stick.  It will always be a temporary reprieve. Truth stands still and tall, just like mountains. You will get nowhere in your life without honesty.  Absolutely nowhere. Your journey of self-discovery cannot travel down that road of lies and besides, it’s crowded. There are way too many people on it already and it’s nice to have your own space. You are all you’ve got and the only one who can make the choice of what road you take–cliche, but true.

But what about the poor souls who suffer from “those” issues? The issues very few churches will talk about because they don’t know what to say.  Schizophrenia, Bipolar Depression (Robin Williams), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Malignant Narcissism, etc.  What about “those” people? As far as BPD and Malignant Narcissism, psychiatrists have said there’s no cure, no hope. Today, they have made some headway, but I’m leery of it because of my personal experience with these types. However, how to deal with these types is actually quite simple. We are here to love by planting seeds of love. We are not here to be abused by sick people. No matter what, we are all responsible for ourselves. We need to keep our side of the street clean and stay away from abusers.

The idea of “saving souls” has good intentions but respectfully, it insults my intelligence. Churches are failing across the world and this is one of the reasons why. It implies an overnight change. To me, this is arrogant (and impossible). It’s as if the “saver” has to have all of the answers and without them they are incomplete. Ego lingers here like carbon monoxide poisoning. Red flags only a few can see wave proudly when someone tries to “fix” (“save”) someone else. It is not possible to change another person and it’s sick and arrogant to try. We aren’t even responsible for the task. The fact that we cannot save someone from themselves is, in my opinion, THE hardest lesson in life. We were not created with all of the answers and we will not receive them while we are here. If this frustrates you, study brain chemistry. This will better your understanding of people and lessen your judgment of them. Remember, ignorant people are the ones who constantly spew their worthless, uninformed opinions. We are here to sow the seeds of love with others and with ourselves. These seeds loosen the soil of the painful secrets. Nothing grows overnight. Some things grow faster than others. Sometimes I think I’m a Saguaro Cactus! LOL. Loving the seemingly unlovable person is hard. It’s easier when you think of it as just planting seeds.  To expect immediate results reeks arrogance and a lack of faith,  It’s as if someone is trying to play God. We may never see the results and that’s okay.  Sometimes we need to get out of the way of other people’s journeys. If we’re interfering, it usually means we’re off-track on our own journey. People who search will find what they need and have done so for a gazillion years without our help. Also, learning that we can’t help anyone else without helping ourselves first is not selfish. We have to love ourselves. It’s hard to learn how to set boundaries, to love without enabling, and there are some people we will have to love from a distance. It’s all part of the wonderful journey of life and it’s very freeing not having to have all the answers. Anyone who acts like they do is a fraud. All we have to do is seek the truth.  The answer is always honesty.  Always.